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Little steps Agnes. Little steps!

It's been awhile since I last commented. You have my deepest sympathies and your courage is admirable. I'm not sure if you recall but I live in Tampa. If you're out and about sometime, Me and my wife would love to have you for dinner. You have my email address.

My best,

I completely understand about dreaming that everything is normal. My dad passed away about 15 years and I was a kid then. I sometimes dream that he is still alive and we are having normal conversations about my studies and just regular stuff. The weird thing is that during most of these dreams I know it is a dream but I continue to sleep to catch those moments. It is in these moments that we find solace sometimes.

Yes, parts of u do did die.. I know that feeling, but gf, parts of u that did will come alive again... Time changes u, and everything around you..It changes your outlook on life, yourself, people...Take it from one who has gone thru it.

You are a strong girl and I wish and hope as well that you again live. Parts of your will live again. You have the loving memories of Geoff, I know its easy to say. But girl you need to manage it all. Hope you feel better soon. xx

"far from the shores of the real world,
they rest their wings in hammocks,
hop­ing we soon will follow"

I am so glad that despite your misery you are still blogging. Know that soooo many people are sending you love and are here for you if you need us. Wish I could do your laundry for you!

Agnes, I just saw that you have put a link to my Inward Sun blog up! Thank you, wow, that is so sweet! I want you to know that I really feel for you and wish you could put all that sadness and pain into a laundromat and let it tumble until everything was washed off...

♥ Helen

Oh Agnes! My heart just broke when I read about you fantasizing that it was all a bad dream. I wish it was. I think about you all the time and you are always in my prayers! I hope you're able to get your dryer fixed soon so you don't have to hang out with the criminal element anymore!

I'm wishing it was all a nightmare for you too! I know you have a rough journey ahead, I hope time is a healer for you....and you can find new reasons to smile again. btw,my dryer just went out last week... I have clotheslines all over my house:P what with the blizzard and all!

One day at a time... hugs.

wish your dreams could come true, but take small steps and grieve. With time, the pain will lessen and seem manageable. Life has a way of moving on! And that picture of the man was really scary and your thoughts hilarious. Take care!

You are going through the grieving process and that is good. Let all the emotions flow. I remember the many strange things that went on in my head. You are strong, as your friends here have noted. That, too, is good. Keep strong. Geoff would be proud of you.

Keep living..Don't try to forget him...
Let reminder goes on..until it ge'tired

I know you're in a lot of pain. But there is life in there, note the humor of the laundromat. I never physically met Geoff, but I did read his comments and see the wonderful pictures he's left. Love is such a marvelous gift,and comes in so many packages, such as touch, smell and seeing. From what he wrote and the poses he snapped of you, he loved you very much. Take care!

Take your time Agnes and i do hope & pray that you'll come around sooner. Treasure all those nice memories of your loved one. Take care.

Your dreams are normal -- I would say. I find myself dreaming about our last dog: Autumn Eve died in 2006. I think people tend to dream more about those they loved than friends and neighbors.

Under these trying circumstances, it seems to me like you are doing good.

hmm....I guess you need a new washing machine now....

Well...don't worry one day you will see yourself alove again...trust me.

Good to read you again dear Agnes.

I read And a pain emerge maybe I remember father but then with time healing is present too but Yes, memories are forever maybe. Be busy - will say - it helps.

I sometimes feel that life can be so cruel and unfair. My dad was a great surgeon and a great politician. After a hunting accident at the age of 50, he was disabled and spent the last 20 years of his life in bed. It was impossible for him to use a wheel chair as his spine had been seriously affected and he couldn't sit straight in any chair. What affected him most, though, was that he had to give up his work. He had always been a very active man in everything he did.

My mother wanted then to take care of him, herself, and repeatedly refused our suggestions that Dad should be taken to a special home or hospital for the paraplegic. At the time, I thought she was simply crazy. Then one day, she took me in her arms and said: "I'll take care of Dad till death do us apart." I often think that it was thanks to my mum's care that Dad lived so long after his accident.

He passed away suddenly while in hospital due to dehydration - a common routine all those years. He'd have that treatment every 6-7 months for 20 years. On June 27, 2003, he had his treatment, he even teased away the nurse and asked her to switch on the tv to watch his favourite football match. On her second round, the nurse found him dead.

Unlike you, I wasn't prepared for my daddy's death. If he had suffered from cancer, I'd have been prepared to face this...but I wasn't. Seven years later,I still dream that he comes to me saying: "Hi Beautiful." However, I know that he wouldn't like me to mourn. He often told me that he'd hate that. And that he'd like me to get on with my life. And so I did. I'm sure Geoff would like you to get on with your life. Believe me, he'd feel so much happier.

@Anastasia: Thank you for telling me about your dad. He must have been a great man to have raised such a wonderful daughter and I am truly sorry for your loss.

I find that mourning is a natural response to a loss. There are no shortcuts and there's no preparing for it.

So sorry Agnes...true there were no short-cuts...just take time. My father-in-law died last year August
@Anastasia: your mum and dad's story was humbling...yeah I agree "till death do they part" and it's all because of their love to each other ;)

I hope you will soon come to terms with your loss. Best wishes from England.

I thought all Americans went to the laundromat anyway - as in Friends !

Je suis là. Quelque part... Je vous observe!

One day at a time, that's all you can do. Meanwhile, I hope you feel the effect of the love and caring from afar.

What's the song? Keep on keeping on...

awwww *MERDE!*

dearie, i am so, so, sooooo very sorry. i know there is nothing i can say or do that will make this even a tiny bit less gawd-awful... but... please count me amongst the many folk out here who WOULD of course be willing to say or do the thing, if it existed!

(just figuring out syntax/verb tenses of my last sentence might well distract you for several minutes...any help?? i can also come tell you adorable niece/nephew stories--avec seemingly unending flickr SLIDESHOWS--which'd totally solve the whole "INSOMNIA" thingie. or you can come & help shovel NJ's everlasting supply of snow, to put that yoga class into perspective! just say the word, k?!)

re dreams/fantasies of geoff: i "saw" my dad everywhere for like 6 months after he died. one time i made jeff come back out of a store into the parking lot to SEE the man in question...who of course was nothing much at all like my father. it's a tribute to geoff...and to your marriage...and to your lovely self... that your SUBCONSCIOUS loves him as much as the rest of you!!! ♥♥♥

re laundromat: two words for ya..."SERVICE WASH" (seriously!)


Your grief will subside with time--eventually Geoff stories will just come into conversations as you recall good times or funny things he did or said. He'll always be a loving part of you. Now it's time to get out to the laundromat--in a better neighborhood--you know cleaners will do your laundry for you. Costs more, but you don't have to hang out. And a bike would be a good thing. I feel free on a bike, like a kid with no worries. And there are other bike enthusiasts who are friendly and have colorful biking clothes. Male or female, they all think they're Lance Armstrong. Nice bodies in this group.

Oh Agnes,
I can almost not understand... Yes, It must be really very tough! But you are strong and i sincerely wish you can come to terms with it very soon.
I was so happy to hear from you today :)

Get on a plane and come to Melbourne !

send ur laundry to my home agnes :) today was my last day at work n i will have loads of time for that now..
((hugs)).. instead of believing or saying that the nightmare will be the rest of your life, try and think of the days that were filled with love and good health.. I am sure thats how Geoff would like to be around you in happier memories.

You are noticing the world around you, even if it is the sketchy people at the Laundromat. That is a big step.

I exactly know how you must be feeling right now... Dear Agnes.... My first husband died in a terrorist attack only after six months of marriage...I was only 24 years that time and it was very strange to bear the shock...I would not say grief as I was not I guess knew that time what grief is....as in our community a widow is kind a bad luck to everyone...I was soon out cast by my relatives and it was so hard for a young youthful girl like me to remain reserved... Anyhow...I totally understand how you are feeling right now...but believe me you will get over it soon...Inshallah...try to find something new to do...something on which you can focus and start it without thinking much about it... And keep writing...if not on blog than start writing in your diary...it will help much... My prayers are with you dear girl...but you are still alive and you must not loose hope...be brave.

@Anon: (sniff) Thank you so much for your beautiful comment. I am so sorry you had to experience something so horrible.

Agnes, I'm so glad to see that slowly, slowly that wonderful sense of humor is coming back. I hope that you're discovering that blogging, and making efforts to entertain us (luckily, we're easily entertained!) is helping a little bit.

I can imagine how difficult it is to make your way in the world in this half-dead, half-alive state. Here's hoping that the parts that are still alive will somehow know what to do next...and lead you to new and wonderful places...
- Susan

ooooh the laundromat... quite the place for people-watching. but don't forget mace, or a whistle or something!

i've never lost a significant other to death; i can't even imagine what you're going through. but the people who passed away who were in my life in some way... they pop into my mind sometimes, and i imagine them making a comment on something that is happening, offering their input or just saying hello. maybe i'm crazy, but i really do believe they still exist in some way and still check in. when our dog had to be put down a couple years ago, i felt like all the people that we had loved and who were gone, were waiting for her and welcomed her to the next step, the next place we go. it's probably all in my imagination. but it's comforting.

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