Haven't been on the blog in months, so sorry about all the unanswered email. So deeply thankful for your care & attention it's just that I have so little to say these days. Or I just don't know how to say it.
Where have I been... I guess I've been lost, disconnected from life... "drained"... damaged? dislocated? -- can't find the right word... working through the roller coaster of what I am told is the healing process.
How have you all been?
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... I just couldn't do it. I'll tell him tonight.
And sorry about the typos I just noticed them.
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My washing machine broke so I am sitting here at the laundromat typing this (typo alert). This laundromat appears to be attracting a clientele whose glares are somewhat evocative of those composite sketches you sometimes see on your local post office's notice board. You know, the ones with the words "WANTED" and "REWARD" written all over them?
(I am toying with the idea of skipping the drying cycle all together and getting out of here at what can only be defined as lightning speed... )
(via my webcam)
Otherwise, not much else to blog about. I catch myself fantasizing about Geoff all the time. He walks in the door, with groceries in his hands, like nothing happened. In these fantasies I wake up and realize his death was just a bad dream.
But I guess it's final. I guess this nightmare is the rest of my life and I guess parts of me died too.
And the rest of me doesn't know what to do.
Until next time.
Agnes
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...thanks for asking. Sorting through things, going through the motions of life and sweating my misery off in that brutal yoga class.
I guess I am trying to find my new place in the world, whatever that means. I haven't watched TV / read a paper / book since October... -ish. So tell me, what's new in the world, am I missing out on anything?
I know Natalie Portman is pregnant and won a Golden Globe and that there was a tragic shooting in Arizona.
Oh. I'll tell you what else is new. After 2 years of blog & email correspondence, I met Jane! It was not a pre-arranged meeting, it was the handiwork of the universe. A meant-to-be. My favorite thing Jane said was:
"Agnes. You have an accent."
I really like Jane. She has this glow about her. I will ask her if I can post a photo of us... and I want to introduce her to my friend Lucky.
Until next time;
Agnes
p/s: All typos courtesy of my iPhone.
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Went to a yoga class last night. You know the type of yoga you do in a sauna-esque setting, I think it's called a "hot room"? For a merciless hour and a half? Some participants were wearing wrist and ankle weights which I think I am gonna try next time. Maybe it will help with the insomnia. Maybe it will de-Frankenstein my appearance. Maybe it will help me recognize the stranger in my mirror?
The mirror, a few months ago:
Now:
It's like reverse plastic surgery I guess.
After class, some smoker stopped me on my way to my car, and asked how I liked the class. "It was hard work," I said, "but I think I'll be able to sleep tonight." "Are you single?" he asked. "No, I am married." "Where is your husband?" "He doesn't exist." "You have an imaginary husband?" "No he is real, he just doesn't exist." "That's impossible." "I know. That is why I cannot sleep."
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